Existential angst

Who am I? I’ve been here before, didn’t I say that before, perhaps to someone else, at some place else…déjà vu! Life …living like someone’s watching over…not Him but someone else…life and death …so many rounds…there are things beyond…renounce the world…but what’s the purpose then? There’s a purpose to be found…but it’s all pre-destined…you can’t fight destiny…but you are the maker of your own destiny…living like machines…forever running…getting late…where to? No one knows…never-ending desires…change is constant! Someone’s guiding the course, deep inside are the secrets hidden…the conscience! The science does not know answers…there are things beyond…and I shall seek answers some day…

Sex & Lies

What if I tell you that the title which brought you here isn't too apt for this piece because neither I'm going to talk of sex here nor am I divulging any lies pertaining to sex in this confession rather it's going to be more of a quest to find the subtler meaning of this innate instinct ingrained in all living beings. If you are still proceeding then perhaps you are also looking for something beyond or may be you're also looking for answers beyond physical. Read on...

One thing that is for sure is that sex is no longer a taboo in our country and that secret well-guarded by meeting of flowers and fading away of the frame at the right moment in movies is no longer to be seen. In fact, it's becoming a norm on the big screen and the actors no longer shy away from replicating the reality on screen. A lot goes in the name of realism and art, you see. You might think I'm digressing from the topic but I'm not; I'm actually trying to find a way into the topic. What I'm surprised with is the enormity of the interest in it with each passing year. A norm of domestic life and no more a procedure to multiply, it has become the talk of the town for the elite, indulgence for the teenagers and a reason of something to boast off. Yes! Sex is no longer a taboo; it's caught the imagination of love that so far was untouched by the lust.

Let's plunge a little deeper. Philosophically speaking, 'kaam' is something that keeps you busy in this world making you forget the actual purpose of your life - the higher purpose - self-realisation. But then there are these spiritual gurus who are often linked to controversies which aren't good enough to be mentioned here. It all seems so entangled. The answers are difficult. To rise above the instincts is saintly but then the saints too get caught in this jungle of want and greed. Perhaps, what you could make of it is that love is sans such compulsions and it's the lust prevalent all around for love is of the subtle and lust of the physical. For these many years, physical satisfaction is ruling our lives and subtle remains obscure.

I'm sure if there were some clock which could tell your chronological age, I would perhaps be the oldest since I so feel that I donot belong here where sizes matter and sheen of the skin decides partners. All that talk of inner beauty seems only talk to be talked of and nothing else. Lies so furnished in boasting of sex life and sex so linked to lies that makes or mars one's life; now I feel the title somewhere is apt for this piece. What do you think?

Love me; Love me not.........

It so happens that when you are chasing something, it eludes you and when you are indifferent it comes back to tease you. Such is love and its ways. To me, it all began with seventy mm and its make-believe heroes who knew nothing else but love; infact it pretty much helped me discover love and then the cupid struck quite often. Although none of the infatuations and imaginations lead to passionate love affair, the desire grew stronger as I matured.

After getting over many a infatuation and heartbreaks, I bid adieu to cupid strengthening my stance towards such disillusionments. And now, it seems love is back in life, knocking every now and then. An acquaintance by the way of profession, whom I've never seen and have only heard, confesses his love over the phone; a decade ol' flame is all bright for then he never thought I was worthy of his attention; and a fb friend who shares a li'l stuff of what I'm made of(imagination and creativity) asks for a date. What is wrong with all? Has this ugly duckling changed into a beautiful swan or it this a conspiracy of that clown?

Let love weave its magic this time and not be a sole imagination of mine till then love me not for the one worthy of my love shall love me for what everything I am.

I still see you in flashes in between my reveries and dreams. Last night, I again revisited those days or rather those days visited me in the wake of sleeplessness and you stay so much as before as an unfulfilled desire in my being.

For so long, I refrained from mentioning you in my writings but here I am making careless confessions all about you and everything else.